Statham’s Brain

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Genre: Action drama

Setting: California/Poland

Characters: Jason Statham [Himself], Olivia Wilde [Herself], Meryl Streep [Herself], Ed Norton [Mark Ruffalo]

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Plot:

It starts fast, with Statham running down an alleyway, stopping at the end, looking both ways, then turning quick and shooting the guy climbing out of the trash can behind him. The director shouts cut and Statham drops the gun and walks away, shaking a little.

Flash…and he’s on the red carpet, with a small crowd watching him, and only one or two reporters trying to pull him towards their mics. He interviews with one of them and says, ‘sure, I loved working with Don, he’s a great guy.’

‘Were you a big fan of Miami Vice when you were a kid?’

‘Huge fan.’

‘What about Nash Bridges?’

‘Who?’

‘Thank you, Jatham. [Pause] Jason.’

‘Am I done?’

Flash…he’s in a video-store looking at his own movie cover. On the front he’s holding a gun, and Jet Li is next to him, a little smaller, with his leg in the air. ‘It’s good, isn’t it?’ he asks no one in particular.

Flash…he’s in a bar with Ed Norton. He’s being talked at and jabbed a bit and he doesn’t know what to say to any of it.

Norton stops the lecture and asks him if he ever went to college.

‘Sure, man…the college of hard knocks.’

‘That’s not a college.’

‘Yeah, I know. I meant…I learnt about stuff from…getting knocked…being hit…being on the street, that kind of thing. I think.’

‘Do you go to the library?’

‘Huh? Which one?’ Continue reading

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